Fares please?
My days as a retired bus driver seems to be uneventful and rather boring these days, but that's not implying I'd want to go back to that thankless job, not bleedin' likely! No, but I could write a few anecdotes about my time as a bus driver, first for London bloody Transport and then for London bloody General (with a short spell at Bluestar bloody Buses from Eastleigh, Hants).
When you get in that cab after passing your PSV test you think you're king of the road but that feeling doesn't last long, you're soon pulled back to reality when motorists, truck drivers, cabs and even other buses all seem to want a piece of the road you occupy and they'll do anything to get it; bastards! Not only that, the mere fact that you're driving a bus makes you public enemy number one. If I wasn't verbally abused at least once a day then I considered I'd had a bad day.
They might be considered to be a London icon but the Routemasters, in my opinion, were shit to drive! First, you had to climb up into the cab with its wide steering wheel and handbrake lever, which looked like it had been nicked from a railway signal box, thank goodness I only ever drove one during my training. Unfortunately, the worse was yet to come. The first bus I drove in service was this pile of junk shown here, the Daimler Fleetline or DMS as it was "affectionately" called by anyone who had the misfortune to drive one of these boneshakers. Thankfully they were taken out of service not long after I began my illustrious career as a Human Logistic Engineer.
The bus to take over from the DMS was the MCW Metro bus, after the previous pile of junk we then had this one, at the time it was like driving a Rolls Royce compared to the DMS, at least it had a smaller steering wheel and small handbrake lever as opposed to the signal box levers of the DMS and RM, but in hindsight, it was just as bad, they had a propensity to break down often they must've been an engineers nightmare. Their road holding was also suspect, even on a wet road, they tended to slide all too easy if the brakes were hit too hard.
From about 1996 onwards new buses such as Dennis Dart LDP's (single deck) and Volvo NV's (Double deck), were now being used, which meant low floor, disabled friendly buses, or so they were supposed to be until mums with pushchairs full of screaming kids and a weeks shopping found that they could just push their pushchairs on without having to fold them up blocking the aisle and getting in everyone's way before trying to justify that they had every right to be there, I had more altercations with these than anyone in all the time I was driving! Below are two routes that I had the displeasure to have driven and probably in those buses as well. When I left my employment with London General some LDP's (single deck) were still in service after 10 years and by that time there were vintage cars that were in better nick than they were, LG certainly got their money's worth out of them.
When you get in that cab after passing your PSV test you think you're king of the road but that feeling doesn't last long, you're soon pulled back to reality when motorists, truck drivers, cabs and even other buses all seem to want a piece of the road you occupy and they'll do anything to get it; bastards! Not only that, the mere fact that you're driving a bus makes you public enemy number one. If I wasn't verbally abused at least once a day then I considered I'd had a bad day.
They might be considered to be a London icon but the Routemasters, in my opinion, were shit to drive! First, you had to climb up into the cab with its wide steering wheel and handbrake lever, which looked like it had been nicked from a railway signal box, thank goodness I only ever drove one during my training. Unfortunately, the worse was yet to come. The first bus I drove in service was this pile of junk shown here, the Daimler Fleetline or DMS as it was "affectionately" called by anyone who had the misfortune to drive one of these boneshakers. Thankfully they were taken out of service not long after I began my illustrious career as a Human Logistic Engineer.
The bus to take over from the DMS was the MCW Metro bus, after the previous pile of junk we then had this one, at the time it was like driving a Rolls Royce compared to the DMS, at least it had a smaller steering wheel and small handbrake lever as opposed to the signal box levers of the DMS and RM, but in hindsight, it was just as bad, they had a propensity to break down often they must've been an engineers nightmare. Their road holding was also suspect, even on a wet road, they tended to slide all too easy if the brakes were hit too hard.
The Volvo NV (double-decker) seen below, wasn't low floor so pushchairs still had to be folded, and as I remember these buses were pretty nippy if a bit uncomfortable but still a million miles from the crap DMS of previous years. Whilst driving one of these I remember picking up some drunk guy in Croydon one night who was well known to us drivers, he was also well known for being quite a racist, unfortunately for him I had about a dozen or so passengers already on board and there wasn't a white face amongst them, the next 10 minutes or so whilst he was on the bus...Well, he was quite vociferous in his dislike for any non-whites and I had to try and keep him quiet for his own safety if nothing else but he kept spewing out his racist remarks, lucky for him the Asians on the bus either did a pretty good job of ignoring him or they didn't speak English. As I approached his stop he got out of his seat and stood by the exit doors still banging on about immigrants etc, "Good night driver..." he yelled, "I'll see you in the principals' office!" I opened the doors for him to alight and he did just that, he totally missed the steps and went sprawling onto the pavement, aint Karma a bitch? He got up, smiled, waved, and staggered off into the night, I bet he didn't remember that in the morning, serves him right.
In a similar vein, one Friday night I was doing a late turn on the 80's, as I was picking up passengers at Sutton Station some geezer, who was pissed as a parrot, staggered onto the bus and asked if I was going to Morden Underground, I told him I was but the route 164 was more direct and would get him there quicker, "Nah...!" he slurred, "This'll do!" and on he got, paid his fare (yes, we used to take money in those days) and went and sat down.
Twenty minutes later I pulled into Morden Underground forecourt, by now I'd forgotten about my inebriated passenger, I loaded up (always a busy time on a Friday night) and headed for Reynolds Close, Hackbridge where the bus terminated, bugger me if the drunk wasn't still on the bus; there he was head resting against the window snoring his head off, not for long though. I managed to wake him, "Are we at Morden yet?" He asked bleary-eyed, I told him we'd gone past his stop but if he sat in the seat behind the drivers' cab he wouldn't fall asleep again, that's because it was a bloody uncomfortable seat. He did as I asked, paid another fare, and off we went.
As I approached the traffic lights at Middleton Rd they began to change so I accelerated then swung the bus to the right into St Helier Avenue, it was my last trip so I didn't want to spend time sitting at traffic lights. Suddenly I heard a loud thump, my only passenger, (yep you've guessed it,) had slid off the seat hit the luggage rack then bounced off that into my cab door before ending up sprawled out in the door well, I looked down and asked him what he was doing down there all he could say was, "Are we at Morden yet?" "No we're not!" said I, "Get back in your seat!" Which he did.
When we reached Morden Station I made sure he was off the bus before I let anyone on, he staggered off the rear exit doors waving to me as he went, after loading up with more passengers I was just about to close the doors when there he is standing at the door, "Now what?" I thought to myself, but no he didn't want to get on again, thank goodness for that! He just wanted to thank me for the ride and say goodnight, Jeez! He'd been charged two fares after missing his stop and bounced around the bus obviously bruising himself in the process and he wanted to thank me for it? I smiled and bid him goodnight he then turned around and walked into a lamppost.
******************************************************************************************************************************************************************
